I’m in this weird place.
I want to be with God. I want to be godly. I want to speak and think well of people. I want to know God more, at a much deeper level than before. I want to grow. I want to not get easily angered. I want to be disciplined, to do the things I know draw me closer to Him. I want to be in the light. BUT I can’t make myself spend that time with God. I can’t make myself journal, I can’t make myself just sit and read, I always find something else to do, or busy myself.
I know I love God. I know His grace, His mercy. I know the light. I know His love. I know His discipline.
I believe in His Sovereignty. I believe in Christ, I believe the Word. I believe in the power of the Holy Spirit. I believe in prayer and in God’s bride. I believe God is good.
I see His love and grace and pursuit.
I feel Him, when I worship. I know Him, when I worship. I believe in Him, when I worship. I see Him, when I worship. This is the only time I do not feel the disconnect.
But there is a disconnect and has been for a while. I think because I felt like I lost parts of who I am (see my first post on this blog), I’m in this weird place where I remember, and I know who I am in Christ, all He has made me and called me to be, but I feel as though
.I have to be rebuilt
The encouraging thing about needing to be rebuilt, is that whenever I think of a building that has been burned down, or destroyed by a tornado, or towns that has been destroyed by hurricanes….even though it takes time to rebuild, in the midst of the rebuilding there is a community around, and the building is always updated with a stronger foundation, stronger walls, updated interior design. That girl will return, only she won’t be a girl any longer, but a woman. A woman of God, who has been rebuilt by God and handled by God and healed by God and moved by God. That will be me.
That will be YOU.
Jesus referred in the gospels to the temple being destroyed, prophesying of His crucifixion. But He was not destroyed, for He ascended and resurrected in a new and better body. As will we some day. And in the mean time, He is sanctifying us, and has already called us and sees us Redeemed.
O praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead.
If there is one thing you can pray for me…it is to fall in love all over again.