If you have either been reading my blogs, or have had decent conversations with me, you may already know that this year, I am in a place where I feel like I just need to fall in love again. Fall in love with God, in love with His word, in love with people…
God has been faithful to me in this desire, and need. He has never stopped pursuing me, and now that my eyes are open more and my heart is healing and softening…I feel myself slowly falling in love again and let me tell you that this falling in love again, has come in small packages.
Sunday mornings, I teach anywhere from 8-14, 3-5 year olds. This year has been a first, and it has been challenging, but also a total blast. My class is always absolutely chaos, because they all have booboo’s they want to tell you about, they all want to talk at the exact same time amongst many other things! But the best thing, is they are fun. I can’t get mad at them, because they make me laugh with their excitement, and plus, they think I’m a big deal, so i definitely cant get mad at them when they think I’m awesome!
2 of my best friends had babies this year. I get to be an honorary auntie. And one of those babies, I get to babysit every Tuesday, which is the highlight of my week. Being able to watch them grow, see their personality get bigger, is a gift. I never knew I could love a human being like that, and they aren’t even my own. I laugh when they are grumpy, not because I’m cold and mean, but because I know they don’t know better yet. And they will learn, and are learning! There is much laughter with them, because frankly, babies are hilarious. Everything is new to them, faces, food, touching, sitting, standing, dancing, sounds, toys, cars, animals, people…and they respond in many different ways and its amazing to watch.
The excitement and awe of discovery is refreshing, and inspiring.
Children. God has restarted my heart, with children. I didn’t grow up around children, so I was always awkward around them. I used to freak out, and refuse to hold newborns because I was to afraid of breaking them or dropping them or not holding their head correctly. Over the past few years, Ive been around kids more and more. I’ve learned that kids are pretty durable, and in fact, I am capable of taking care of them, and holding them and playing with them. They don’t care if you act an idiot, in fact, they love it the more idiotic you act! And if you just pay attention to them, you are their best friend. There is freedom and so much joy in being with children for me, because so much of them is not tainted yet by sin. It is very clear that they are born sinful, don’t get me wrong, but there is so much purity and naivety in them, it is beautiful.
What better way to fall in love again, than from the very beginning of discovering. From being born, with sin, but being naive to its affects on me, to see things for what they are (because we all know children say whatever they think, no matter how embarrassing it is for those around!). To have that childlike faith, dependency on those taking care of you, and that belief that I can do anything. But also the frustration of boundaries, because without them, we fall, we hurt ourselves, we get into things we shouldn’t.
I’m starting to see why God tells us to have faith like a child and never turned children away. Obviously we need to grow up, we do grow up, but in growing up, especially in this world, we need not forget what it was like to be a child. To discover, to have our belief that we are loved, taken care of…be second nature.
So if your heart has been calloused, hurt, depressed, mad…, just spend time with kids. You will have to change. Because they will call you out. Your attention has to be on them and not yourself when your with them and sometimes, our attention just needs shifted.
Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people, but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”