I’ve recently been doing a light study on fasting in the Bible, whilst also trying the intermittent fasting fad. Studying it – has made me love it. I’m also really bad at it – unless it’s for specific spiritual reasons and I am desperately needing answers from the Lord – than I’m great. But unfortunately those are extreme circumstances. So as a spiritual discipline and a regular thing – its very difficult for me to do.
So why do I love fasting if it’s so hard for me to do?
It shows me my need. My weaknesses. It shows me that oftentimes my love for food and television outweighs my desire to commit myself to obedience to the Lord. WHOA. *face slap*
BUT, it also draws me closer to God. Because I see my need and my depravity/sinfulness I cling more to God. Because honestly – in my daily life – I don’t see my need for God as often as I do when I take time to do things that force it upon me. And I know I’m not the only one.
So here’s my confession/very recent learnings:
I fill myself up with things to feel a certain way. I eat food to cure stress, boredom and just for enjoyment. I watch TV to ignore my own life and emotions and for enjoyment and to rest also.
The things I enjoy, television and food and whatever else are all good things. Food is a necessity but the amount of food I often will eat – is not a necessity at all. It’s a comfort, it’s disguising certain feelings. It’s numbing. Anything good – has the opportunity to be taken advantage of.
I use the good and the bad reasons to fill myself up with things that don’t actually help me live a godly life and look more like Christ. Sometimes I can fill myself up so much that being able to actually see Christ in my life – becomes a difficult task. What a shame on my part.
My heart can’t overflow with Christ if there’s other things taking up His space.
I want my heart to overflow with Christ. His love, His kindness, His justice and peace. His grace. But recently, I’ve oftentimes found myself turning my worship music down when at a stop light with my windows down. WHY?! Am I ashamed? I didn’t think so…but maybe secretly I am.
I write this for a couple of reasons.
1. To keep myself from becoming comfortable with NOT sharing about Christ. The Bible says to confess our sins – and although confessing on the worldwide web may be a bit unconventional to many – writing it out is helpful to me. Even if I didn’t post this and just wrote it – that would be something.
2. BUT, I post it because I personally feel encouraged when other believer’s post their struggles. We are also told in the Bible to spur each other on – I think this is a great way to spur one another on. Even people that we may not be in contact with every day, or are worlds apart. The internet gives us reach to so many more people than our own little communities. What a cool resource!
3. Also – if you know me and you read this – then you can help keep me accountable! You can tell me when you’re seeing/hearing me spend LOTS of time with my TV friends, or if I go for 3rds at dinner…you can ask if I’m actually still hungry?
I love Jesus. He’s given me new life – which is saying it lightly. There’s so much more than just new life He’s given. I want my life to honor Him but honestly I don’t know if it does sometimes. I don’t want to have to convince myself that I love Him – I want to be able to see it in how I’m living, in my relationships and in how I’m spending my time. He’s worth it.
You have said, “Seek my face.” My heart says to You, “Your face LORD, do I seek.” Psalm 27:8
jillian.maxine 